Boys Don't Cry
by Nalanzu
Summary: Friendship, love, hate, and addiction tear each other apart, and no one comes out on top.


Jounouchi slammed the glass down on the bar. It was one too many. It had been one too many long before he lost count. For that matter, he didn't think he was still in the same place where he had started out. 

_I would say I'm sorry _

He snarled, staring at the amber surface of whatever was in the new glass, not really seeing it. He'd tried to apologize. 

_If I thought that it would change your mind_

He was… He simply was. The way he always was. No matter what Jounouchi did, nothing ever changed. When everything he'd done to please him did nothing, why should a simple apology make a difference? 

_But I know that this time   
I've said too much_

It hadn't been his fault. No, that wasn't right. It was his fault. Entirely and completely. He dropped his head on his folded arms. A spill of liquid crept along the exposed skin of his forearm, and soaked into his shirt. He didn't notice. 

_Been too unkind_

Unkind. He'd been… He'd… 

_I try to laugh about it_

"Seeeeeto!" He'd bounded up the stairs, bounced off the wall, and barreled into the office. It was nothing new. 

_Cover it all up with lies_

"Hey, Yugi." He knew the words were garbled. He didn't care. 

"Jounouchi-kun? Are you all right?" Yugi sounded worried. He usually did. 

"Yeah, I… I need a ride…" 

There was a sigh from the other end of the line. "Where are you?" 

"Um…." After several moments of deliberation, he remembered, and told Yugi. 

_I try and   
Laugh about it_

He thought he heard the sound of glass shattering, but no shards glittered up at him from the floor or elsewhere. The glass had broken hours earlier. Hours. 

_Hiding the tears in my eyes_

He stumbled out the door, leaning on the wall until he got his balance. The air outside was warm, sticky with humidity. He wasn't sure if he'd paid the bill or not. It didn't really matter; he had a running tab anyway. Probably. 

_'cause boys don't cry_

He swiped the stinging wetness away from his eyes. 

_Boys don't cry_

It wasn't worth it. It wasn't. Seto would laugh at him, belittle him, take this as just another reason to… Oh yeah. 

_I would break down at your feet_

He'd done that in the past. He'd literally thrown himself at Seto. Once. He'd done it once. And even though it had had its intended effect, the look on Seto's face was so frightening, he'd never done it again. He'd felt, for the briefest instant, as if he were nothing more than some kind of bizarrely fascinating insect that had done something unpleasant. But then Seto had smiled. 

_And beg forgiveness_

"Seto!" he called again, leaning into the open door. Seto barely looked up from the truly staggering pile of paperwork on his massive desk. 

"Not now." 

"But you –" 

"I said, not now. I'm busy, Jounouchi." 

_Plead with you_

Was it just that afternoon he'd pounded on the closed door and asked Seto to just listen? Everything had just gone so quickly… Jounouchi blinked. His balance was improving. The street wasn't swaying back and forth any more. Then he noticed the warm presence at his side, holding him steady. He smiled. "Hey, Yugi." 

_But I know that   
It's too late_

"Jounouchi-kun…" Yugi's voice was muted and heavy, and for a moment, Jounouchi thought he was going to say something more. He didn't get the chance to hear it, though; a by now almost familiar feeling crashed through his senses. He stumbled to the side of the road and threw up everything he'd eaten that day in a futile physical effort to purge the toxins in his system. 

_And now there's nothing I can do_

"Aren't you always busy? You spend too much time in here, man. Lighten up! Come on!" He grinned, knowing it was an engaging expression and not really caring. He was – or wanted to be – happy. 

"I said no. What part of that don't you understand?" 

_So I try to laugh about it_

"Are you all right, Jounouchi-kun?" Yugi asked again. Jounouchi had lost count of how many times his friend had said that particular phrase since he'd started sleeping with Seto. A lot, it seemed. Probably more often since he'd moved in with his boyfriend. He tried to smile, but it was far too forced to fool either of them and he dropped it. 

_Cover it all up with lies_

"I'm fine, Yugi. Really." At least he hadn't thrown up all over Yugi's grandfather's car. He pushed himself to his feet again, swaying as he tried to regain his sense of balance. 

_I try to   
laugh about it_

Jounouchi closed his eyes briefly, forcibly calming himself. Why was it that just the slightest comment from Seto could make him so angry? "I know you should take a break. It's not good for you to just –" 

"How would you know?" Seto didn't even look up, just delivered the insult in a flat bored tone that only those close to him recognized as well and truly irritated. 

_Hiding the tears in my eyes_

"Come on, Jounouchi. Let me take you home." The shorter boy once again wrapped his arm around Jounouchi's waist and led him carefully down the street. Jounouchi leaned heavily on his friend, keeping his face turned to the side to conceal the prickling wetness in his eyes. 

_'cause boys don't cry_

"Thanks, Yugi." His voice was rough, and slurred. Yugi didn't answer. 

_I would tell you_

"I told him I loved him." Jounouchi spoke without thinking, simply letting the words flow. Even had he had the presence of mind to consider his words, the lack of inhibition garnered through his evening's activities would have suppressed any misgivings he might have had. 

_That I loved you_

"You did?" Yugi's voice, unlike Jounouchi's, was steady, and he stared straight ahead at the road. Not that Jounouchi noticed on more than a subconscious level. 

_If I thought that you would stay_

"He didn't…didn't listen… He never does… No matter what I say to him, it's never enough!" Jounouchi hissed the last words, his eyes narrowed, shoulders tense and rigid. "Why… Yugi, what's wrong with me? Why doesn't he love me?" Tears threatened to spill out of liquid brown eyes shimmering in the streetlights. 

_But I know that it's no use_

"It's…" Yugi started, and then suddenly stopped speaking. His mouth worked for a moment. "Jounouchi-kun, there's nothing wrong with you." The words sounded flat and rehearsed. 

_That you've already   
Gone away_

"There has to be… there has to be, or he wouldn't have pushed me away." Jounouchi wrapped his arms around himself, dazed mind dwelling on the one thing he'd tried to forget; that Seto had… that he had… 

_Misjudged your limits_

"Are you implying something, Seto?" All attempts at controlling his temper forgotten, Jounouchi stalked into Seto's office and slammed his hands down on his lover's desk. 

_Pushed you too far_

"I wasn't implying anything." For a brief moment, the thought flashed through Jounouchi's mind that now they could go back to normal, the veiled insult remaining out of sight and therefore carefully forgotten. 

The illusion shattered. "I said it outright, make inu." Seto smiled, just slightly, daring him to take the bait. 

_Took you for granted_

"You bastard!" Jounouchi grabbed Seto's collar in both fists. As long as Seto wasn't blatant, he could ignore the casual verbal abuse; as long as neither of them said anything overt, it could just be overlooked. But now Seto had gone just slightly too far. "If that's the way you feel, maybe you don't need me here after all!" It wasn't meant to be taken seriously; Jounouchi had simply spoken in anger, his notoriously short temper getting the best of him once again. 

_I thought that you needed me more_

"Maybe I don't," Seto replied coolly, and returned to his workload. The situation had deteriorated from there, resulting in Jounouchi being politely but firmly escorted from the premises and told not to return. 

_Now I would do most anything_

"I didn't mean it, Yugi, I didn't mean it." Jounouchi curled up in the front seat, paying no attention to the seatbelt Yugi had so carefully fastened across his too-thin frame. "I didn't want this…" 

_To get you back by my side_

"I know, Jounouchi-kun." Yugi pulled to a stop in front of the gates at the Kaiba mansion and buzzed to be let in. After a few seconds, the gate swung open, and he pulled the car forward slowly. 

_But I just   
Keep on laughing_

"Jounouchi-kun…" Yugi grasped his friend's chin in his slender fingers and pulled Jounouchi around to face him, the gesture and the following question as familiar as repetition upon repetition could make them. "Why do you let him do this? Why do you do this to yourself?" 

Jounouchi smiled sadly, for just a second, and then a broader grin spread across his face. The expression held no joy. 

_Hiding the tears in my eyes_

"I … I love him, Yugi. I love him." Jounouchi shook his head, all traces of inebriation temporarily absent. "I can't … not be with him." It was the same answer he'd given every other occasion Seto had thrown him out, only to let the blonde come crawling back hours or days later. 

_'cause boys don't cry_

"Jounouchi…" Yugi watched as Jounouchi pulled the high neck of his shirt up to hide the darkened skin of a bruise. He paused, swallowed. "Jounouchi, I can't watch you do this. Not again. Don't go back." He hadn't said that before. "I won't do this for you again." The not-quite-spoken choice hung in the air between them. 

_Boys don't cry_

Jounouchi dipped his head, unfastened the seat belt. "I have to, Yugi. I'm sorry." He climbed out of the car and made his wavering, unsteady way to the front door. Yugi blinked back tears of his own. Jounouchi had made his decision. 

_Boys don't cry _


End file.
